Content?

So, as my church family knows, we started a church-wide fast on January 10th. Trent and I asked the Lord what He wanted us to fast, what were those things that we need to deprive our flesh of? (I love saying it that way!)  Of course, He showed us so we started fasting food and various other things...
The second night Trent and I prayed together, as a couple. We've both been praying individually more during this time but we knew we wanted to pray together more as well. We started praying and we both were amazed at what the Lord started to show us!

I am realizing that I have always fasted for the wrong reasons - maybe I had the right intentions initially but somehow it would always end up becoming a "work" for me. Kind of like a "notch in the scoreboard" with God. Obviously, God doesn't have a scoreboard but in my mind it was making me more holy.
This time of fasting I have really been checking my heart to make sure I am not doing that. I want to get the most out of this time and I know God has things to show me. One thing I know for this fast is I want to come to know God more. More deeply, more intimatly, to fellowship with Him more... What is more? More than I was - alot more.

That night that we were praying he showed me something. He showed me an ocean. There were rocks all around the coast line and the waves would come in and break on the rocks. I was standing in front of the ocean, where the waves would wash up on the shore. I could see the horizon and it was miles and miles away. Then I saw myself dip my toes in the water, like you would do if you were "testing" it to see if it was too cold to get in. I would stand there for awhile and then walk in and stand in the water for awhile and then walk back out. Dip my toes in again and do it all over again.

Ok, the Lord has shown me this picture before. He told me that the ocean represents ALL that he has for me, everything good and perfect for me, everything I need to fulfill His plan. It also represents His presence in my life, His plan for me, basically who He is, what He has, etc... I have seen this in times or prayer or worship and I would get excited. It always blessed me to see ALL that He has in store!

But this time it was different. I saw this play out and I realized I never got in the water all the way. I would "feel" the water and get in to my knees and get back out. I was content to have it that way.
The Lord showed me that I have just been content to have what presence of His that I have. Sure, I thought I wanted more, I said I wanted more, I probably even acted like I wanted more. But, did I ever do what it takes to have more? No.

So, I am writing this in all honesty here. I see where I am. I am realizing I have to stop "playing games" with myself. I need to admit to myself where I am. And then, go forward.
I can't go forward from somewhere that I am not. I can only move from where I am. Even if it's a place I am not proud of, I can move from there! That's exciting! To see where I am wrong and then move forward!

This is getting long so I'll be done soon! I guess I just want to encourage anyone who is reading this to look at where you are. Are you hungry for more? I said I was, but I really wasn't. Thank the Lord that He is faithful to show us where we need change!

Philippians 3:10
For my determined purpose is to know Him, to become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him. And to know the power outflowing from His resurrection.

This is my "goal-verse" for this time of fasting and prayer. To know Him more and then to know His power. I HAVE to know Him first - you can't truly have the power without the Person.
How do I know Him more? By making and taking the time...but there will be more on that later!

This is long and I apologize if I was rambling. Sometimes I get typing and just hope it makes sense in the end! God is good and He has amazing things for us and I'll leave you with that!